Luigi's Other Experiment
by Eternal Smasher
Summary: Melee. It's happened again...Luigi has created another, better, unscented love potion. And this time, everyone will feel its greatness...
1. Greatness

_To all that read and reviewed Luigi's Experiment: glad you liked it! I did too. Too all who are new to this: it would be nice if you read the original before delving into this one. Why? Because it'll make you feel good, that's why! The reviews are still welcome._

_This story is feedback generated, like the first. If the number of reviews for a chapter is high, the next chapter will come that much faster. _

_Now for the next experiment!_

Luigi sat in his lab, a.k.a. the basement, wondering about stuff. Mostly about what had happened a month ago. Never again would he let Ganondorf into his lab.

What he saw permanently scarred his mind.

"This is a good sandwich."

Luigi bit into his sandwich and moaned with pleasure. Mario, Peach, Zelda, DK, Marth, Roy, Link, Ness, Pichu, Mr. Game & Watch, and Yoshi just stared at him in confusion.

"What the hell are you doing?" DK asked.

Luigi stood up slowly, still chewing.

"You remember last month?" he said with his mouth full. Well, it wasn't for long, as he was quickly punched in the face by Link and knocked back into his seat.

"No! You bastard, you know that!" he yelled.

Zelda slapped Luigi while he was sitting.

"I sure do. What were you thinking?" she said angrily.

Ness was holding a torn bunny suit and laughing.

"That's the problem. I didn't really do too much thinking. BUT-!"

Several people jumped at his sudden outburst.

"Now I have made it even more efficient! And easier to use! And with more restrictions!"

Luigi proudly held up a perfume bottle (which was Peach's) filled with a pink liquid mixture. Everybody inhaled. There was no scent.

"And unscented!" Luigi added, smiling.

"So what? Who's your guinea pig this time?" asked Marth.

"Wait! I know you're _so_ eager to witness my greatness, but I want to explain it first."

Everyone was silent.

"…This potion, Luigi's Experiment Version 1.5, or Luigi's Other Experiment, is, like the first, a love po-"

Everybody booed.

"With this one, it is supposedly impossible to fall in love with the first _thing_ sighted."

"Supposedly?" asked Roy.

"Instead, the potion taps in to a person's deepest, passionate-est love, and makes it come alive!"

"Did you hear me?" asked Roy.

"Wanna hear the cool part?" Luigi asked.

Everyone was silent.

"It supposedly wears off within 2 hours!"

"Stop saying supposedly!" Roy yelled.

"Please tell me you have an antidote somewhere…" said a hopeful Mario.

"Yeah! Somewhere…"

Everyone was silent.

"In order for it to work, it has to be sprayed directly into the person's face, so more fumes can enter the system. Then the greatness will start…"

"Okay. And who do you think is volunteering for this?" asked Peach.

"_Everybody._" He sounded incredibly serious, but only Peach and Pichu gasped. The rest were silent.

"Can we go now?" asked Mr. Game & Watch, incredibly bored.

"No! Witness the greatness!" Luigi yelled. He sprayed Peach in the face with the new experiment. She coughed for a few seconds. She regained her composure.

She tackled Luigi.

"Whoa…" they all said. Mario was crying as Peach proceeded to kiss Luigi up and down and all around, moaning, saying nothing.

"I knew it!" Ness shouted.

"CUT IT OUT!" Mario yelled, sobbing.

"Okay, okay. Jealous," Luigi said under his breath. He pushed Peach off of him and started searching his pockets for the antidote. He eventually found it: another perfume bottle (which belonged to Marth) filled with a yellow liquid mixture. Before Peach could jump on him again, he sprayed the…spray…in Peach's face. She fell asleep.

"Are you sure this is an antidote?" asked Yoshi.

Luigi brushed himself off. "I hope not…"

"What?" said Mario.

"Nothing."

Peach suddenly awoke.

"Hey…what was I doing sleeping on the fl-"

"It works!" Luigi exclaimed, half excited and half crushed.

"Holy crap, it works…" everyone said.

"Yeah…uh…" After Link made this comment, everyone quickly ran away. Luigi chuckled to himself.

"Perfect…it's perfect…I RULE!"

At that moment, a light bulb fell from the ceiling and broke on Luigi's head.

"I STILL RULE!"

_This is going somewhere…supposedly. 5 reviews equals quick update…_


	2. Nana's True Love

_At this review rate, this one'll be done pretty quickly._

Luigi stood in his lab's doorway. The door was cracked, and he was observing whoever was in the hall. It was pretty much clear.

"The experiment begins…"

He tiptoed out of the doorway, slightly concealing his potion (mostly because it was in a perfume bottle). He decided to try the kitchen; it was about time for lunch anyway, so there was bound to be somebody in there.

Luigi peeked into the kitchen. The Ice Climbers, Falco, Bowser, and C. Falcon were all eating lunch.

"Damn, Mewtwo makes some good cakes," said Falco, eating a slice of Mewtwo's cake. He was the only Smasher who ate it.

"If you keep eating that thing, you're gonna die," said Bowser, holding a can of Plutox.

"Yeah, maybe." Falco continued eating his cake slice.

"Hey guys," Luigi said, finally entering the kitchen.

"Shut up," Bowser greeted.

"What's going on with you?" asked Popo, eating ice.

Nana was hysterical.

"…Uh…" Luigi responded.

"Hey Luigi," Nana mocked, "What's with the perfume? Huh?"

Luigi looked at his greatness and smirked.

"This-" Luigi started.

"Isn't that Peach's?" asked Falco, still eating.

Luigi was speechless.

"Can I smell?" asked Nana.

_Perfect._

"Why sure! Come here," Luigi said with a smile. Indeed, Nana approached, ready to take a whiff. As soon as she was about 8 centimeters away, Luigi sprayed. Nana coughed several times and staggered backwards into an empty chair.

"You okay?" Popo couldn't help but chuckle as he asked this.

As if on cue, Nana sprang up and ran out of the kitchen. No one spoke; they just listened. They could all hear Yoshi's voice:

"Hey! What are you doing? Don't touch me there!"

"Wow…" Luigi said as Falco, Falcon, and Popo ran after her. Luigi followed, but Bowser just shrugged and began making his third sandwich.

In the living room, Yoshi was trying (and partly succeeding) to keep Nana off of him. Luckily, Nana was easy to push.

"Nana, what do you think you're doing?" Popo asked in horror.

Nana grabbed Yoshi's neck and jumped on his back.

"I FREAKIN' LOVE YOU!" she exclaimed. Popo almost fainted, but the rest laughed.

"Luigi…why?" Yoshi said, bucking Nana into the couch.

"What can I say? It's fun," Luigi answered.

"I hate you," Yoshi said.

"TAKE ME!" Nana exclaimed, jumping towards Yoshi. She totally missed though, because Yoshi ducked. Nana crashed into something glassy.

"What did you do...?" Popo asked, more confused and grossed out than sad.

Luigi held up the potion and smiled. "Love potion."

Luigi was knocked to the floor by a mallet blow to the head.

"Change her back," Popo said harshly.

"Damn." Luigi stood up and rubbed his head. "Sure, Your _Highness_…Yoshi, can you do me a favor?"

"I can, but I don't-" Yoshi pushed Nana into a coffee table. "Want to."

"If you want this to stop, you should," Luigi informed.

Yoshi sighed. "What?"

"Brace yourself."

"Huh?" Nana tackled Yoshi into the couch, looking into his eyes lovingly.

"Keep her in place, please," Luigi said, taking out the other perfume bottle. Everyone started laughing again (except Yoshi and Nana, who were…kissing, because of Nana). Luigi walked over to the two. Yoshi turned Nana's head to the side.

"Smile!" Luigi said. He sprayed Nana in the face, and Yoshi kicked her off of him. He started wiping his mouth and spitting.

"Ew…" Yoshi said when he was done.

"Uh…what was I doing again?" Nana asked, standing up. She looked around. "Ooh…whoever broke these is in _trouble_…"

Popo sighed, relieved.

"That thing works," said Falcon. "But why Yoshi?"

"Popo…your sister's in love with a dinosaur," Luigi said, almost sympathetic.

Popo was stuck on stupid and just shook his head. Nana's face turned beet red and she ran away quickly. Yoshi was still grossed out, yet interested. The rest just stared.

"Who's next?" Luigi asked suddenly and loudly. Falcon instantly ran away, with Falco following, and Popo following him. Yoshi walked away.

"That settles it," Luigi said to himself since no one was there. "Bowser's going next."

_When the review total reaches 16, I'll start working on the next chapter. See ya!_


	3. Bowser's True Loves

_Damn…people are really eating this one up._

Luigi walked back into the kitchen. Bowser was eating his new sandwich, standing up.

"What happened?" Bowser asked.

Luigi scratched his nose.

"Nothing…important," Luigi responded.

"Yeah, whatever," Bowser grumbled, continuing to eat his lunch.

Luigi chuckled, then walked over to Bowser, and placed his hand on his arm. Bowser growled softly.

"Don't touch me…we're not on a date."

"Yeah, I know."

Bowser just looked at him and took a big bite of his sandwich. Then he got sprayed in the face, and whatever was in his mouth was instantly coughed out, onto Luigi's face. Luigi slowly wiped it off and observed.

_Let's see if I'm right…_

Bowser walked out of the kitchen slowly. He started to walk to the stairs, and when Peach walked by, he scooped her up with one arm.

"Hey! Master Hand said you couldn't do that here!" Peach yelled while struggling.

Mario came out of nowhere.

"Mario! Help!" Peach screamed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Mario said, rolling up his sleeves. "You know the drill, Bowser, let her g-hey!"

Bowser scooped Mario up with his other arm, and began to walk up the stairs.

"What are you going to do with us?" Peach asked.

Bowser smiled.

"Rock both of your worlds."

The two captives gasped, looked at each other, shuddered, and screamed out:

"LUIGI!"

"Oh, great! Hero time!" Luigi clapped once, and rushed to the top of the stairs, where Bowser had reached. He quickly jumped in front of the slow-moving turtle and pointed the antidote at his face.

"Stop!"

Luigi got stepped on. It hurt, but he shook it off and sprang up.

"Luigi! Just spray him already!" Mario cried.

"Okay, okay! I don't wanna see this any more than you two."

Luigi did a front somersault over Bowser, sprayed him in his face, and landed perfectly. Bowser started coughing and dropped Mario and Peach. Luigi turned around to be greeted by a punch in the face, which knocked him into a wall.

"_Never_ spray me with perfume. That's where I cross the line!"

Mario and Peach just looked at him in slight disgust.

"Ah, screw you guys." Bowser walked back downstairs, grumbling as usual. Luigi pried his face from the wall and chuckled.

"See…this is why Peach likes me better."

Peach blushed, while Mario punched Luigi back into the same wall and stormed off. Peach followed him.

"Look, Mario, about that-"

"Bitch, not now!"

Luigi re-pried himself off of the wall and shook off his dizziness.

"I think I'll do the big one next…it's Mewtwo's turn…"

_Sorry about the shortness…but…yeah, sorry. Let's get the review total to 30-something, people!_


	4. Mewtwo's True Love

_Well…it's Mewtwo's turn…let's see what'll go down._

Luigi sat in the huge living room couch, thinking. He wanted Mewtwo to be the next victim-um, volunteer. But he had to wait until Mewtwo's match was done. He was fighting Dr. Mario and Zelda.

"Damn, can they hurry up?"

Luigi was bored and impatient. Even when Pichu's upside down head was staring directly into his face.

"Whatcha doin'?" the baby rodent asked.

"Waiting," Luigi answered.

"For what?"

"Get off."

"Why are you holding perfume?"

"Get off."

"You-"

"Get OFF!" Luigi jerked his head forward, yet Pichu was still latched on to his noggin.

"You're mean!" Pichu whined.

Luigi sighed.

"Why don't you like me...?" Pichu looked like he was about to cry.

Luigi sighed again, this time annoyed.

"Can you _please_ get off my head?"

"Tell me why you don't like me first!"

"Get off."

"No!"

"Get off."

"No!"

"Get off."

"No!"

This continued until Mewtwo, Zelda, and Dr. Mario came back. 5 minutes later.

"Finally!" Luigi quickly stood up; the speed knocked Pichu into Dr. Mario. He now latched onto _his_ head.

"Hey Doc," Pichu said with a smile. Dr. Mario just groaned and went upstairs. Now only Luigi, Zelda, and Mewtwo were left. Luigi walked over to Zelda, who was standing right next to the psychic cat.

"Hey...! Zelda! How's it going?"

"I'm still mad at you," Zelda replied, turning away.

"Oh, come on! That was last month! Or something!"

Zelda didn't respond.

"Oh, fine…" Luigi shifted his focus. "Hey Mewtwo."

"_What do you want?_"

"Oh, nothing…"

"_You have done it again._"

Luigi sighed, almost disappointed. "This one's different. It works much better, _and_ it's unscented."

"_Whatever._"

Luigi sprayed the potion in Mewtwo's face. Mewtwo, however, just stood there. He looked down at Luigi.

"_I do not love._"

"Yes you do…it'll just take a little longer…"

"_You are a fool._"

"And you are in love! Now!"

Mewtwo slowly turned his head toward Zelda, who was walking upstairs. His eyes shone light blue, and Zelda was levitated.

"Hey! Mewtwo! What are you doing?" Zelda said, shocked. She was turned around and began floating toward Mewtwo. "Luigi…what did you do?"

"Mewtwo's in love with you," Luigi responded with a smile. Zelda would've struggled, but she knew better. Within 5 seconds, she and Mewtwo were in a deep kiss. During the 20 seconds the kiss lasted, the first 5 seconds were against Zelda's will.

"Wow…" Luigi said when the kiss ended. Mewtwo and Zelda stared at each other lovingly.

Then Link came in.

"What...? Hey! HEY! Get off of her!"

Link rushed toward Mewtwo, but he was knocked into a wall with force. Mewtwo and Zelda were now surrounded in a clear blue bubble, and were slowly rising. Link watched in horror and confusion as the two kissed again.

Luigi took a picture.

"Luigi!" Link called out. "What did you do?"

"Mewtwo's in love with Zelda. Looks like the other way around as well…"

Link punched Luigi in the face, knocking him to the floor. As he did this, Mewtwo and Zelda flew through the roof. Link looked up through the hole.

"You. Help me find them," he said, still looking up.

Luigi was gone.

"Well…looks like another adventure for me…" Link sniffed and ran out the door. He narrowly missed Pichu crashing into the floor.

"I _said_ get off!" Dr. Mario yelled from upstairs.

Pichu, slightly dazed, looked up at the hole in the ceiling, at the sun.

"I see the light…it burns…"

_What can I say? Oh! Let's try a review total of 45 this time._


	5. Ness's True Loves

_Wow…you guys are AWESOME…I've never gotten this many reviews this fast. Oh, and I turned 15 today._

Luigi was hiding in a supply closet in the upstairs hallway, breathing heavily and laughing at the same time.

"I love this thing…"

Regaining composure (finally), he cracked open the door and took a peek. No one was there. He opened the door just enough to fit his head through and looked both ways. Still no one. He slowly stepped out of the closet, sighed, and looked at his camera.

"Where'd this come from?"

He chucked it behind him, but he didn't hear the impact of its landing.

"Hey Luigi!"

Luigi quickly turned around. Ness was standing there with a smile, holding the camera. "What did you take a picture of, huh?"

As Ness observed the camera, Luigi kept looking back and forth quickly in confusion. Suddenly, Ness broke out in laughter.

"What are you doing with perfume?"

Luigi looked at his greatness, which he had forgotten to conceal. With a mumble, Luigi responded:

"It gives you powers."

Ness was slightly interested.

"Powers? What kind of powers?"

Luigi smiled.

"Superpowers."

"Ooh, ooh! I wanna use it!" Ness said excitedly from behind Luigi. Luigi looked back at Ness, then forward at nothing, then back at Ness, then forward at nothing, then back at Ness again. He scratched his head and shrugged.

"Sure. Say cheese!" Luigi pointed the spraying part of the bottle (what was that called again?) at Ness's face.

"Yeah, yeah. Just spray away," Ness said quickly, sticking his face out. Luigi sprayed, and Ness coughed several times. He then stood straight up.

"You alright?" Luigi asked.

Ness ran through the balcony's barricade and fell to the lower floor. Luigi blinked and jumped down after him.

_Where's he going?_

Luigi looked around frantically for Ness. It was like he teleported or something.

"Put me down!"

_Samus… _

Luigi tracked the yell's source to the back of the mansion. He ran down the long hallway leading to the courtyard. As he ran, Ness ran straight past him at high speed, holding up Samus with both arms. Luigi tried to turn around quickly, but he slipped and fell on his face.

"Ow," he said with a muffled voice. He could hear another scream.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

_Young… _

Luigi sprang up and quickly ran back to the living room, where the second scream came from. He looked around frantically for the second time, panting. Ness was dashing across the balcony, holding both Samus and…Young Link. Wow…

"Stop!" Luigi called out, running after the three. Peach was exiting a room on the side of the hallway (likely hers, I don't care) and was instantly shocked.

"Luigi! Stop doing-"

Ness scooped her up as well. Peach screamed. Luigi was speechless. Ness was running towards his room, and was almost there. Apparently, the potion made him much faster…

"Slow…down…" Luigi said, exhausted and slowing down.

_PEACH? _

Luigi stopped at the side of Ness's room door, panting. Ness slammed the door and locked it. Luigi could hear hammering from the other side.

He waited for about a minute before burning the door down with a Fireball.

"Ness!" Luigi shouted. He was surprised how much Ness had gotten done in a minute. Peach's dress was badly torn, Young Link had been reduced to nothing but underwear, and Samus's Power Suit was broken in several places. (Apparently, Samus was wearing nothing under the suit. Because.)

Luigi rushed towards Ness and sprayed him with the antidote.

"…What happened to you guys? Young Link, put some clothes on! Get outta my room!"

Peach was speechless, Young Link grabbed his tunic, hat, and boots and fled, and Samus grabbed the pieces of her suit, slapped Ness, and walked away.

"Peach…were you doing weird things with Mario in my room again?" Ness asked, rubbing his cheek.

Peach fainted.

"Whatever." Ness shrugged and walked away. Luigi just couldn't stop staring at Peach. It was just like he dreamed…

"No! Not now. Later…" Luigi said, snapping out of it. He walked out of the room, and when he saw Mario 12 feet away from him, he jumped off the balcony and ran.

_That was just…total of 58…_


	6. Kirby's True Love

_It's totally the next chapter…_

Luigi was now sitting on a bench in the middle of the courtyard, catching his breath. When he had finished doing that, he sighed and looked up at the sky. It was warm today, and the sun was shining brightly. The clouds were few and far between. All of this reminded him:

"I never finished my sandwich."

He looked around. If there was anyone already outside, he might as well experiment on him/her before he got his lunch. And indeed there was someone outside, right by the pond, scaring and trying to kill the fish.

Kirby.

Luigi chuckled and walked over to the Star Warrior. He was trying to snatch up the different varieties of fish with those little excuses for arms for a quick snack. Because sucking up the entire pond would piss Master Hand off very much, while just eating the fish would only piss off Master Hand a lot. Yep.

"You do this every day and never succeed," Luigi said, watching him from behind.

"Yeah, I know," Kirby said, failing to swipe another fish.

"You need actual hands to do that. Or claws. Or a fishing rod. Just not those…"

Kirby said nothing because he wanted to keep his focus.

"Or you could use this." Luigi held out his greatness for Kirby to observe.

"You made another one, didn't you?" Kirby asked.

"Uh…" Luigi quickly sprayed him. Kirby almost fell sideways into the pond, but he fell backwards instead, soon sitting up with his eyes closed.

_Wait for it…_

Kirby sprang up and ran the 216 feet to the mansion in 6 seconds. Luigi, stunned, ran half-heartedly after him.

When Luigi made it to the mansion 22 seconds later, Kirby was in the kitchen, making out with Jigglypuff on the counter. It was like watching a car crash for Luigi: don't want to look, yet can't look away.

"Um…" Luigi proceeded to make another sandwich, still watching the two puffs of air.

47 seconds later

Luigi was now eating his sandwich at the head of the kitchen table and staring almost intensely at the two. He didn't even notice Fox standing right next to him.

"This your doing?" Fox asked.

Luigi took a slow bite of his sandwich while nodding.

"Damn. They're really going at it." Fox pulled up a chair and slowly sat down, still watching Kirby and Jigglypuff make out. It was like watching Andross for him.

1 minute later

"They didn't stop to catch their breath or anything…" Fox said in awe.

Luigi took his last bite and stood up, pulling out his antidote.

"Finally gonna end it?" Fox asked.

"Oh, she was struggling for the first minute and a half. Thought I'd give her and my eyes a break." Luigi walked over to Kirby, turned him to his side, and sprayed him. Jigglypuff fell off of the counter and began taking deep breaths (a.k.a. puffing herself up). Kirby sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"…How'd I get on the counter?"

Kirby jumped off the counter and wiped his mouth.

"Hey Jigg," he said, leaving the kitchen. Jigglypuff was still taking deep breaths.

"Well, that was…what was that?" Luigi asked no one in particular. "Oh well." He went to his paper towel, the one the sandwich was on, and threw it away. As he did this, both Fox and Jigglypuff arose. Fox stared at Jigglypuff, shaking his head.

"Dude…" Fox walked away. Jigglypuff watched him in confusion.

"Kirby's in love with you," Luigi said.

"Really?" the balloon Pokemon asked excitedly.

"…Yeah…really…I assume you love him too."

"Yeah…"

"Whatever." Luigi sprayed the love potion in her face, turned her around, and kicked her out of the kitchen. "Have fun!"  


* * *

  
Meanwhile…

Our good hero Link was still searching for the one he obviously loved, and was now traversing a meadow in a motor scooter, following that bubble's bluish trail. As he drove, he only had two things on his mind.

What did he do for Zelda to love a freakin' creature?

Where was he gonna get gas?

Both of these questions baffled him so…

_Well…let's try 70. Or something._


	7. Roy's and Fox's True Loves

_Hey guys. Sorry this took so long…_

Luigi was back on the living room couch, thinking about who to experiment on next as he watched Kirby and Jigglypuff do their business on top of the television. Thank goodness they had cable, or they'd have an antenna to deal with.

"Let me get some popcorn."

Luigi dug into Fox's bowl of popcorn, took a handful, and shoveled it into his mouth, not taking his eyes off the two for a second. The same went for Fox.

"How much longer?" Fox asked, still fixated on Kirby and Jigglypuff.

"We got…an hour and 12 minutes left," Luigi answered, not even glancing at Fox.

"Okay," was Fox's mouth-filled reply.

"Um…how'd this happen?"

Luigi and Fox still stared while Roy asked the question. Luigi held up the greatness, Roy nodded and sat next to Fox, and Fox had more of his popcorn taken by the two.

"This is _much_ better than cable," said Roy. Luigi and Fox nodded in unison. Suddenly, Luigi burst out laughing.

"We're, like, hypnotized or something…"

"Hey, you're right," Fox said, chuckling. Roy laughed loudly for no clear reason.

"I'm gonna go get more of the…thing." Fox of course meant "popcorn", and he went to the kitchen to make more. Roy, Luigi, and…those two…were alone. Luigi had an idea. While he was entranced…Yeah, it's perfect…

"Hey Roy…"

"Huh..?"

"Who do you love?"

Roy shrugged.

"Can I find out for you?"

"Eh, whatever…"

"Good!"

Luigi sprayed the potion in Roy's face, yet Roy still watched. 4 seconds later, he stood up and rushed upstairs. Luigi followed the sounds of the footsteps. He was in Ness's room.

"I knew it."

Luigi grabbed the VCR remote, pressed the Record button, and ran upstairs to Ness's room. When he arrived, Roy rushed past him, holding the awakening princess.

"Luigi! CUT THIS OUT!" Peach screamed as Roy jumped off the balcony and rushed out the door. Luigi stared in disbelief.

"Luigi, where'd…that guy go?" Fox called up.

"He left…"

"Ok." Fox continued watching the two and eating popcorn. Luigi jumped down onto the couch and pressed Stop on the remote.

"I'll see what I missed later…" He took another handful of popcorn. "Hey, wait a second!"

"Huh?"

With that question, Fox was sprayed in the face with the potion.

"Hey! What's your…"

After that, Fox rushed upstairs. To Samus's room.

"Ah, we'll just wait to see how that goes." Luigi grabbed Fox's bowl of popcorn and began consuming. Unfortunately, because of that blast, Fox fell head first into the bowl, so Luigi only consumed half a piece. Or something.

"If that happens to me again, _you'll_ be on the receiving end of my blast!" Samus yelled.

"Okay," Luigi said, ignoring her totally.

Fox ran upstairs again. This time, there was a loud "bong" sound instead of a blast, and a body thudding. Luigi still watched Kirby and Jigglypuff.

"Wonder where Roy went?"  


* * *

  
Meanwhile, Link was filling up his scooter's tank at a McDonald's. Yeah. There's a McDonald's in the middle of a field. Link was eating a double cheeseburger out in the open. In the midst of his meal, he could see a fast-moving figure coming towards him.

"Who's that?"

He saw Roy run by with Peach. In the direction Link was traveling. Link shrugged and continued eating. Eventually, he heard a ding.

"Gas is done."

Link grabbed his scooter and raced off at 25 mph. Without paying. And somebody noticed.

"Thinks he can get away from me, does he...?"

_Ooh, who's that person? Gotta wait until 82 reviews…sorry it was so short._


	8. Marth's and Falcon's True Loves

_I'm back. Again. I'll just get right to it._

Luigi now hid in the game room, away from Samus. Remember?

"If that happens to me again, _you'll_ be on the receiving end of my blast!"

Yeah.

Luigi was tired now, and was trying to regain his breath under the pool table. When it came back, he peeked out from the side of the table. Samus ran by the door quickly. Luigi sighed, relieved.

"Close one."

He stood up, forgetting he was under a table. He bumped his head. Hard. He almost knocked himself out, and Samus almost heard it.

"Ow…" Luigi said, groaning.

Captain Falcon, Marth, and Falco walked into the room. Luigi chuckled in that devious little brain of his and stayed silent. The three talked among themselves.

"You're going to lose," Falcon said, walking around the right of the table.

"Not today, Fal-cone. Not today," Falco said, following Falcon.

"I'm not losing again. I'll actually hit the cue ball this time," Marth said, standing on the left side of the table.

Falco and Falcon laughed alternatively. Don't ask why.

"Please," said Falco.

Marth said nothing.

"Rack 'em up," Falcon said, approaching the front of the table. A loud slam could be heard from above, and a lighter slam accompanied it. Falco approached Falcon, and the balls could be heard being placed on the table, and soon afterward, being rolled. The pool game had begun.

15 minutes later, the game ended, with Falcon as the victor and the victim of Marth's stranglehold.

"All right, that's enough!" Luigi yelled, standing up, forgetting he was under a table, banging his head, and crying out in frustration. "Ow!"

"Get out of there," Marth said.

Falco and Falcon ran away. Marth was rendered speechless as Luigi finally made it out from under the table alive and unharmed.

"I assume you _don't_ know about my...?"

Marth shook his head as Luigi pulled out the greatness. He sprayed it in Marth's face. As this happened, Samus returned to the doorway, panting.

Luigi screamed like a girl.

Samus dived toward Luigi and missed because he was too short, and landed face-up on the pool table.

Marth proceeded to jump on top of her and remove her suit, piece by piece.

"Luigi!" Samus yelled. Luigi watched in silence. "I hate you so damn much-" Marth kissed her. Luigi pulled out a camcorder and placed it on a chair beside the table, focusing on the two.

"Damn, I only got 2 matches…I must do something about this!"

Luigi went into the kitchen to get something to drink. He opened the fridge to find a variation of Kool-Aid that I can't creatively name right now. Falcon ran into the kitchen and slid into the fridge door. While Falcon was grounded, Luigi sprayed him, then continued to fix his drink. Falcon, of course, sprang up and rushed out. Luigi grabbed his glass of…let's call it "drink"…and headed back to the game room.

Falcon was there, sharing with Marth. Samus seemed to be struggling all she could.

"Damn, I shouldn't be…" Luigi sipped his drink. "Letting this happen to her."

"OH MY GOD!"

Luigi turned around to see Yoshi, staring not in horror, but excitement.

"This is AWESOME!"

Luigi said nothing and sipped his drink. Samus managed to break free for a few seconds. She cried out in desperation:

"Luigi! Help me! Hel-"

And then the few seconds ended. Too bad.

"Oh, fine…"

Luigi sprayed Marth and Falcon with the antidote. Soon Marth came back to his senses, blushed hard, and ran away. Falcon, however, was either unaffected or was just not stopping.

Samus kneed him in the groin. Falcon fell off the table and on his back, preoccupied with pain.

"Sorry," he said, straining his voice.

Samus stormed off and shot Luigi with a missile in response. His drink remained untouched as he was sent flying into a wall.

"Aw, man!" Yoshi walked away.

"Well…let's try _her_ next then and see how the others like it. I know I would…"

Samus came back, slapped Luigi, and ran away again. Luigi sipped his drink.  


* * *

Meanwhile…

Link was trailing Roy and Peach, and had been for some time now. In fact, they were out of the field and headed towards the mountain where Zelda had been taken.

"I knew it was a mountain…"

Link soon disregarded his knowledge and continued to the mountain. Then he wondered something he wasn't even thinking about before.

"How is he this fast?"

After this thought, he could hear a whistling overhead, like something was falling. Link slowed down and looked up.

A demon-looking teen with a sword was plummeting towards him.

"Wow…"

Link got tackled off the scooter. He rolled onto the ground, over the rocks, as the teen clung to his tunic. Link landed face-up.

The teen definitely looked like a demon: black wings, black spandex, a tail, horns, a purplish visor. Yep. This one was different, Link thought.

"Can you get off?" he asked. The demon-teen thrust his sword toward Link's head. He quickly rolled over and pinned him with his foot. "Thanks."

There was an explosion of electricity that knocked Link back a bit. The teen stood and brushed himself off.

"Listen…elf-man. What's your problem? Do you think that you could just get some gas and not pay for it?"

Link thought for a bit.

"Oh. Who are you?"

"I'm Alastor. I'm taking up a summer job to get some money. And you're not helping."

Link handed the demon 25 bucks.

"…Thanks…Oh, have you seen somebody named Joe?"

Link quickly drove off.

_Let's go for the big 100. Plus 2, because I'm weird like that._


	9. Samus' True Love

_Wow. That last chapter was almost 1,000 words. So close. Oh well. At least I reached 100 reviews. Now for Chapter 9._

Luigi had a problem. A very frustrating problem. A problem so large, the entire experiment would come to a grinding, painful halt.

Samus's door was voice-activated.

"Samus! Let me in! Please?" Luigi cried out in desperation.

Samus didn't answer.

"I'll break it down if I have to!"

No answer.

"Okay!" Luigi took 10 steps back. "I'm gonna do it!"

No answer.

"Here I go!"

No answer.

"You'll be sorry!"

With the final silence, Luigi made a high-pitched, war-cryish scream, charged toward the metallic door, and tackled it shoulder-first. He fell several feet back.

He couldn't feel his arm.

"Oh, brilliant…SAMUS! LET ME IN!" he yelled with a sob.

"Are you an idiot?" Samus asked from inside.

"I hope not."

"I'm not letting you in."

"Why not?"

Samus sighed, frustrated.

"You're trying to spray me with that thing."

"Well, duh! But why can't I come in?"

"You're a dumbass."

Luigi growled.

"You have to come out of there eventually. You _do_ have to eat."

"I have my own food, for situations like this."

"Bathe?"

"We all have our own bathrooms."

"Play?"

"Goodbye."

"I won't give up! I'll find some way to get you infatuated!"

And with that, Luigi ran off, crying. Samus made a sigh of relief.

"About damn time. I swear, he needs a life."

Samus approached her awesome door (which I wish I had) and it automatically opened. As soon as her entire head was out of the room, Luigi pounced on her and sprayed her. Samus coughed a few times. Luigi backflipped off her and stayed back. Samus quickly stood up and ran back into her room. Luigi could hear a suction-y sound, and 9 seconds after that, Samus's starship was flying toward that damn mountain.

"That's gonna be _some_ confrontation…I wanna see it so bad…" Luigi lowered his head in sadness. "Okay then!" he said with sudden cheer. "Who should be tested on next? Um…ooh! Mr. Game & Watch!"  


* * *

  
Meanwhile…

"I finally made it to the mountain. But…hey! Where'd I get this scooter from?"

Link, like he said, finally made it to the mountain, and finally realized that he was supposed to be using something else besides a scooter. A motorcycle. Link shrugged it off and proceeded to climb up the side. As he climbed, dirty thoughts raided his mind. Mewtwo, Zelda, Roy, and Peach in one place. What drove Zelda to this? Is this all of the people? (You know the answer to that.) Would Zelda take him back? What exactly was going on up there?

Link shuddered at the thought, but he couldn't shake it, so he kept shuddering and eventually fell on his butt.

"Ouch."

At this point, he could hear Samus's starship flying overhead. It landed on a coincidentally placed flat area. Samus jumped out and rushed into the cave she landed in front of. While watching all of this, Link discovered a spiraled path leading up to the aforementioned area.

"Oh."

Link walked up the path. Now he could climb and shudder all at once.

_He's almost there…we'll see what happens when the total goes to 113._


	10. Mr Game & Watch's True Love

_Wanna know why this is late? Read my bio._

Luigi searched and searched for Mr. Game & Watch, known to him and a few others as "Flatulence". Because it was funny. To him. And those other people.

Yeah.

Well, he had to wait, because Flatu- I mean, Mr. Game & Watch, was out training with the Ice Climbers. Luigi decided to wait in Mario's room, because it was bigger than his. Everything in Mario's room was bigger than his. _Everything._

"Why is everything in here bigger than mine?" Luigi whined as he laid in Mario's king-sized, fluffy bed. "He's not that tall, anyway."

Mario ran into the room, panting.

"I'm NOT SHORT!" he yelled. The two stared at each other for a while.

13 seconds later, Luigi found himself on his ass, right in front of Mario's door. He folded his arms.

"He's lucky I don't spray him right now…"

The front door opened. Excellent news for this guy. Luigi rushed down to the front and greeted the four. Yeah. The four.

"What's Sandbag doing here?" Luigi asked.

"Don't you talk to me," Nana said coldly. She then ran upstairs to her room angrily. And since anger depletes accuracy, she tripped on several steps before she made it.

"Yeah, what's Sandbag doing here?" Luigi attempted to ask Popo.

"I dunno. Guess he's spending the night or something." While Popo was speaking, Sandbag fell on his face.

"Well…okay…" Luigi switched his target. "Hey Mr. Ga-"

He was already walking upstairs. Luigi quickly followed him. "Hey Flatulence!"

Mr. Game & Watch slapped Luigi down the steps with a buzz.

"Okay, just for that, I'm gonna…going to, uh…um…no, I can't kill him…oh fine, I'll just spray him."

Luigi quickly followed Flatulen- dammit, Mr. Game & Watch…to his room.

"Why are you following me?" the monochrome character questioned. A swift spray in the face answered him. Mr. Game & Watch sneezed twice, but then the greatness took effect. Most notably on his voice.

"I'm ready for some lovin'."

I'll make it as easy as I can. He sounded _exactly_ like Barry White.

"Whoa…" Luigi said, shocked and envious. Mr. Game & Watch walked right past Luigi. He was headed to Nana's room.

"Oh, thank goodness," Luigi said with a sigh. He followed close by. Mr. Game & Watch slid under Nana's locked door. Now, of _course_, Luigi wasn't going to try to break this one down. He decided to just listen from the bottom of the door.

"I told you to stop doing that! Get out! I'm about to take a shower."

"Well, baby…that's all the more reason for me to stay."

"Are you feeling okay? What'd you do with-"

"Oh, I _am_ feeling fine. But I want to feel great. And only you can help me with that."

"Um…what are you saying?"

"We need to be closer. I feel- no, I _know_ that we…are meant to be…the greatest couple since ice and tea."

Luigi laughed once. Loudly.

"Luigi? Did you do this? You asshole! Fix him please. He's creepy."

"Now I know you didn't mean that so harshly, now did you?"

"You don't know much."

"How about that shower?"

Mr. Game & Watch was sent flying through the door, sideways and upside-down. He almost hit Luigi. Instead, he crashed through a window in the living room below. Luigi slowly stood up, looking through the Flatulence-shaped- I mean- you get the idea.

"Leave." Nana was holding her mallet. Cue to get lost. He walked outside to the shrub that flat guy was lodged in, sprayed him with the antidote, and went to the bathroom.  


* * *

Meanwhile (I know you were waiting for this part)…

Link was now standing on the flat area, to the right of Samus's ship. He was incredibly hesitant. Not because of the deep-looking cave itself, but because Zelda, Mewtwo, Roy, Peach, _and_ Samus were inside it, most likely at the end. The Hero of Time (I like saying that) did _not_ want to be dragged into _anything_. All he wanted was his princess back. And something to eat, cause that double cheeseburger wasn't very filling.

"Okay…I'm gonna do it…"

Link brandished his Master Sword and headed into…the cave…ooh…

He traveled through the cave with no troubles. In fact, it was surprisingly clean. Maybe Mewtwo spruced the place up for his beloved-

"I can't think about things like that!" he said out loud, nearing the end. He was nearing some sort of light, though it clearly wasn't an opening. When he made it to the end…well…

Zelda and Mewtwo were still in that damn bubble, except now, Zelda was totally nude (no details about that…). Roy and Peach were also inside the bubble. Roy was trying and failing to undress Peach. Samus could not get inside the bubble, for some reason. She seemed to be trying to reach Mewtwo.

So here's the basicnessness.

Zelda and Mewtwo are in an embrace. Peach is holding back Roy with her legs. Samus is tackling the bubble, trying to get in. Duh.

"Zelda's…no…"

Link was destroyed.

"She's _hugging _him in the nude…"

His voice was soft. But he had to wait. He had to have some hope.

"That dumbass said 2 hours. Gotta…" Link sniffled. "Wait it out…" His stomach growled loudly. He slowly sat against the wall and slowly laid on his side in a near-fetal position.

…_Uh…let's try 125._


	11. DK's True Love

_That didn't take _too_ long. _

Luigi walked out of the bathroom as the toilet flushed, feeling refreshed. Ah, that feeling.

"I feel 5 pounds lighter…"

Did he wash his hands? Well, why do you think he wears gloves? He hasn't learned yet. He yawned and stretched, thinking about where Samus was and who to spray next. Well…he didn't want to put the mansion through DK's possible rampage.

Ah, who was he kidding? Of course he did!

"Where is that monkey...? Oh. Weight room."

Luigi walked to the weight room, a.k.a. the game room. DK was totally lifting weights. Heavy weights. He could bench (and was benching) about 550.

"Damn…" Luigi said as he walked toward the counting ape.

"47…48…49…uh…50!" DK put his weights back and slowly sat up, revolving his shoulders. "That was a good workout…I need a banana."

"Yeah, let's get some bananas," Luigi said, patting DK's large back.

"I said bana_na_, not bana_nas_."

"Oh, of course. A banana…"

DK smiled at the correction and walked to the kitchen, with Luigi following. When they made it, DK got the last banana out of the freezer.

"Yes! The last one! (beep)in' right!" He peeled it open and started sucking on it. "Fozen bamama…" he said with his mouth full.

Luigi just sprayed him. DK kept sucking on his banana.

"…Okay…maybe it has to process…"

It took 3 minutes for DK to eat the banana, and those were also the processing minutes. DK rushed toward the one of the kitchen windows and stared at himself. Lovingly.

"Oh, you're so sexy."

He tried to hug himself, but broke the window instead. He started crying.

"My love! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

That scream broke two more windows. One of them was in the living room.

"Wow…" Luigi said shortly before he started cracking up.

"I will find you again! I will…"

DK ran away sobbing. Luigi, still cracking up, followed him upstairs to the bathroom. Cause the bathroom had a mirror.

"It's you…DAMN, YOU'RE SO (beep)IN' SEXY!"

He yanked the mirror from over the sink and proceeded to make out with his reflection. Go DK.

"It's great that you feel the same way…"

Luigi fell backwards in hysterics. He kept laughing even though a passing Fox stepped on his face (accidentally).

"Come on. Let's go to my room and have some fun…" With that, DK and…DK…went to DK's room to do…I don't wanna think about it.

"How much fun could he possibly have with his reflection? Why the hell do I care? Where'd Fox go?"  


* * *

Meanwhile…

The 2 hours had passed. Link's torturous 4 ½ minute wait was finally over. And with this great event in Link's history, Samus was wondering what she was doing there and why Zelda was naked, Roy came to his senses and was also confused as to why he was in a bubble, Peach was slapping Roy with lightning speed, and Mewtwo snapped out of it and teleported, taking his bubble with him and leaving Zelda behind.

"Zelda!"

Zelda screamed very loudly and tried to cover herself. Samus was walking away, Peach was walking after Samus, and Roy was trying to find a good angle to look at Zelda.

"Zelda, I was so worried. Come here, I'll cover you."

Zelda ran to Link. Link covered the lower half of her body with his shield, and the upper half with his tunic. So now Link was topless and wearing only those tights. The two walked out together, trying to catch Samus before she left. Roy followed, still looking for a good enough angle.

Soon they were all outside.

"Samus, we need to-" Link's question was cut short.

"Duh. Get in."

Link, Zelda, and Samus got in the ship and flew back to the mansion. Roy hung on to a booster for dear life, as he was forgotten.

"…Um…" Peach said, wondering how to get back.

_Okay…though it may not be on for a few days, the new goal is 143._


	12. Yoshi's True Love

…_Yeah, this is late._

Luigi sat on the roof of the mansion, thinking of whom to spray next. Well, in actuality, he was hiding from the now-returning Samus and thinking of who to spray next. Soon he realized how idiotic that spot was, as Samus's ship parked in the back of the mansion and she would probably ram him with it.

"Yeah, I gotta get down."

He did a split and moonwalked to the elevator, and pressed the pretty glowing button. As he waited, he saw the ship in the horizon, coming fast. He could also hear Roy screaming like a maniac.

"Hm."

Ding! The elevator arrived, Luigi walked in quickly, everything was going fine. But, for some reason, the elevator was moving incredibly slowly.

"Oh, come on…" Luigi hopped up and down in frustration. That made the elevator go faster. Too fast.

The elevator crashed. Luigi wasn't injured, as the mansion was only 3 ½ stories tall, so he fell…2 floors. The door opened and Luigi crawled out, cursing to himself.

Samus was standing at Luigi's head.

"Hello," she said.

"Uh…" Luigi was scared to say anything that'd set her off. "Uh…hi?"

Pow! Luigi's face was stuck in the floor. Samus stormed off as Luigi tried desperately to free his face. He wasn't strong enough, but he kept trying.

20 minutes later, Samus kicked him in the ass so hard, he did a forward somersault and landed on his back.

"Ow."

Samus stormed off again. Luigi sat up and rubbed his bum, then his face.

"Well, that was a waste of life. Who should I spray next...?"

He just happened to see Yoshi walk by, humming his usual happy tune.

"…Yeah…" Luigi slowly stood and quickly followed the dino. To the screening room.

"Finally. I get to watch the greatest movie ever made…" He somehow pulled out a DVD. From somewhere.

"The Super Happy Go-Go Friend League of Joy! How did they get Barney, all of the Muppets from Sesame Street, Jay-Jay the Jet Plane, Thomas and Friends, _and_ Dora the Explorer on the same team? It's beautiful…" Yoshi turned around and was startled by Luigi's dumbfounded gaze. "Don't _do_ that!"

"Super Happy Friend League?"

"No…Super Happy Go-Go Friend League of Joy! Get it straight."

"Are you kidding me?"

Yoshi cradled the…(snicker) greatest movie ever. "This movie is not worthy of your presence! It's too great!"

"This room is for group entertainment only-"

"Shut up!"

Yoshi ran over to the large television, tapped the side, opening a secret flap in the wall, and put the DVD in the tray. He closed the flap and sat in one of the cushy chairs, grinning widely. Luigi would've looked at the screen, but it was _way_ too colorful. And the music…forget about it. It would make a 4-year-old cry out in horror.

Luigi threw his shoe at the screen, breaking it and killing the movie. Yay!

"What'd you do that f-"

Yoshi was sprayed in the face, and Luigi rushed to put his shoe back on before the effect started. He wasn't late, as when he was done, Yoshi rushed out of the room. He ran upstairs and rammed a door. Luigi rushed upstairs to see what door it was.

It was Mario's.

"Oh…" Luigi said with a laugh. He looked in the room. Yoshi was licking Mario. Everywhere. Mario seemed to be yelling and laughing at the same time.

"No! Cut it out! What's gotten into you? Ha! Oh yeah, my dumbass brother, right?"

"Yep!" Luigi answered proudly.

"Please, make him stop! I'm going to suffoca-" Yoshi frenched him. (snicker) It was weird. Mario almost choked on Yoshi's tongue.

"Okay, that's enough." Luigi reached for his antidote to greatness.

It wasn't there.

"Oh well, you're screwed over. Bye!"

Mario freed himself from Yoshi's deadly kiss.

"What do you mean, 'screwed o-" And he was frenched again. Luigi laughed and closed the door. He began to look for another creature. Pikachu, perhaps?

_Okay then, dudes. Let's try 157._


	13. Pikachu's True Love

…_So…whatcha doing this weekend? Anything important?_

Luigi was walking to the arcade, thinking about whoever Pikachu's true love was or could be. (The loss of the antidote barely crossed his mind. Idiot.) Well, he soon reached it. It was on the western side of the mansion, close to the garages. He had almost gotten in trouble and in the hospital for attempting to take a joyride in the Blue Falcon. But he learned his lesson, somewhat.

Pikachu was playing some outdated arcade fighting game. It was called Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter. (Pikachu knew it was outdated; he wore gloves as not to get "old" on his paws. But Marvel vs. Capcom 2 wasn't working so, what's a rat to do?) Luigi observed him, trying his hardest to defeat Dan. (Yes, Pikachu sucked. It was hard to balance on a three-legged stool and input the command for the Shun Goku Satsu all at once. He was a fan of flashy stuff. Also, the cobwebs were kinda bothering him.)

"So…Akuma…" Luigi said, trying to make conversation. Pikachu said nothing and continued his button mashing.

"Dan is the biggest joke in Capcom's history. Do you agree?" asked Luigi. It looked like Pikachu nodded, but he was unsure.

"Need help?"

"K.O.!" the screen announced. Pikachu had lost. He banged his protected paws on the buttons in anger. Then the stool broke, and Pikachu fell on his face quickly. He uttered something, but it was muffled.

"Pikachu?"

Pikachu got up. He jumped up to Luigi's face and smacked it.

"Idiot," the rat said.

"Stop smacking me! How many times has this happened already?"

5 punches, 1 mallet blow, 1 missile blast, 3 slaps counting now, and 1 swift kick in the ass.

"…I'm so abused…" Luigi said sadly. "Okay then!" That sudden cheer came back, and Pikachu became a victim to the greatness. He rubbed his eyes quickly, and then it started. He ran directly through the game he had previously failed in, creating a Pikachu-shaped hole in the wall behind the machine. Luigi peeked through the hole. The rodent had created about 4 others in 4 different walls.

"Wonder where he's going?"

Luigi went into the large nearby garage and hopped on Link's motorcycle. It was more of a dirt bike than a motorcike. (I know that's not a real word.) He revved up and drove through one of the rev-activated garage doors. He sped around the mansion to the front, and then jumped off, causing it to crash into something statue-y. He ran inside, almost tripping over Sandbag.

"Somebody pick this thing up!" he yelled as he ran upstairs. He could hear Pichu's light, annoying voice in the distance. He wasn't too surprised. But as he ran to Pichu's room to investigate, he _was_ surprised by the fact that the two rats ran right by him and headed to Mario's room. Luigi stopped, turned around slowly, sighed, and ran to the big bro's room.

Pikachu was trying to tie Pichu to the bedpost with some chains he miraculously obtained. Yoshi was now undressing Mario. Luigi didn't like this too much, yet he still watched.

"This is kinda weird…Kirby and Jigglypuff, I mean, come on. But these three? Come on."

Pichu was officially bound, and Pikachu started licking him on his neck.

"Why aren't you trying to stop this?" Mario asked, now even more weirded out.

"I can't," Luigi said simply. Mario would've spoke again, but that damn tongue of Yoshi's…

"Pikachu, what are you doing?" Pichu asked, blushing, trying his hardest not to like it.

Pikachu said nothing and began slowly stroking Pichu's fur. Luigi sighed.

"…Well, that wasn't very smart…"

Is anything?

"You be quiet." Luigi was about to leave, when Link rushed in the room, hitting Luigi in the nose with the doorknob.

"Did you crash my bike into that porcelain statue I made of Zelda?"

Luigi searched for the right answer. He found this.

"Aww…"

Link punched Luigi square in the jaw. That must mean he didn't forgive him.

Link kicked Luigi square in the nuts. That must mean he didn't like him very much.

Link left the room, feeling a little better. Luigi rolled out of the room, holding his most sensitive of areas. The pain in his jaw was nothing compared to that. The boots made it much worse.

"What did I ever do to deserve this treatment...?" he groaned.

"Shut up!" Link yelled in the distance.

_Okay. Let's go for…170._


	14. Young Link's True Love

…_Yep, nothing to say…_

Luigi, for the first time in several hours, was in his room. He was lying in his bed, holding a pack of ice on that oh-so-delicate area. The pain and the swelling (he thought he had) were deteriorating slightly. He had been in that room for about 10 minutes, with the door closed. He didn't want to hear Pichu's and Mario's screams.

"Link is such a bully…this hasn't happened since high school…I don't remember it exactly, but it placed me in this position at the end."

As soon as he was done speaking, Young Link threw Sandbag on Luigi's face, laughed at him, and walked away. Sandbag rolled off slowly, revealing Luigi's frown.

"He's definitely next…"

Half an hour later…

Luigi was up and walking around. Pichu and Mario were still screaming in that room. Now Luigi searched for the little Link. He was about to search downstairs when he heard singing coming from the bathroom. The mirror-less bathroom…

"Oh, he's in there."

Luigi walked to the bathroom and slowly opened the door. Thank goodness it didn't squeak at all. The white, silk curtain created a silhouette of Young Link, sitting down, playing with small toys. There were also silhouettes of boats floating on top of the water. Yeah, Young Link was having some fun.

"Oh no! The Hand's coming back!" Young Link made screaming sounds. "No! It's picking up the boat! It's…destroying it! No! Samantha!" He now talked in a strangled, feminine voice. "Johnny…I'll…never…forget you…Johnny…" He now returned his voice to normal. "What are you waiting for? Shoot that son-of-a-bitch!" He made shooting, blasting, explosion, and roaring sounds. He screamed like a girl and hit the water with his hands. "He's not affected! We're gonna die!" Slightly deeper. "No! We must save Samantha!" Normal. "Are you mad, Johnny? That thing…it will kill you." Slightly deeper. "I'd rather die fighting for love than running in cowardice. If I don't make it alive…tell the kids…there's 5 bucks on the counter for dinner."

Luigi tried his _hardest_ not to laugh.

"No, Johnny! Don't do it! JOHNNY!" Young Link made the sound of a speedboat driving. He screamed like a girl, then talked in that feminine voice: "Johnny? What are you-" "Samantha! I won't let you die!" He made machine gun noises and roaring sounds. "I won't let you diiiiiiiiiiiiie!" He made a gigantic splash. "JOHNNY!" he screamed in that girly voice. He started fake sobbing, then choking. He made a cracking sound, and then started laughing. "I should start taping myself. I rule."

"No need."

Young Link screamed, startled. "Who's that?"

"I already taped it. All of it." He pressed "Stop" on his voice recorder. "Where'd I get _this_ from?"

"Get out!" Young Link yelled. Though Luigi couldn't see it, he was blushing.

"Hang on." Luigi walked toward Young Link.

"Are you going to kill me?"

He continued walking.

"If this is about that Sandbag thing, dude, get over it!"

He approached the curtain and began to grab it.

"Oh no…he's gonna see me naked…"

He lifted up the curtain to his waist and sprayed Young Link.

"Wait. You just wanted to…"

2 seconds after that, Young Link ran out of the tub, through the curtain, almost stepping on Luigi. The curtain wrapped itself around Young Link completely, so it looked like a wet ghost was running somewhere. Luigi quickly found out.

Link's room.

"…Okay…"

Luigi walked to Link's room, which took almost a minute. When he got there…

"LUIGI!"

"Yeah, he's mad again." He walked inside and ducked a nightstand that was thrown at him.

"Get this naked kid off of me!"

"KISS ME NOW!" the naked child screamed, trying to reach Link's face.

"I'd love to, but I seemed to have misplaced my antidote…"

"Damn you to hell…" Link threw Young Link into a wall. He quickly jumped at Link again, but he placed his shield in the way of Young Link's head. He fell to the floor, motionless.

"…Hmm…"

"If you value your life, you'll leave." Link unsheathed his sword.

"He's not done. When you least expect it…he'll pounce…and it'll be grand…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Young Link jumped on Link's head, the imbalance causing him to fall to the floor. He screamed in horror. "Ew! Get off! Ahh!"

Luigi ran away as fast as he could.

_I would've too…Let's try 182._


	15. Epilogue: Popo's True Love

_Next pairing!_

Luigi was catching his breath in his lab, a.k.a. the basement. The only place where no man, woman, or creature dared to tread alone. He leaned back in his comfy office chair, wondering what he did to deserve all this.

"What did I do to deserve all this?"

He sighed and petted his baby Chain Chomp. He checked his Power Rangers clock. It read 4:17.

"Hmm. Peach should be making dinner right about now. Well, maybe not for me…but still."

He stood. "Speaking of food, I need to think of some more victims. Can't do Pichu, cause he's preoccupied."

In Mario's room, Pichu was being whipped while being forcibly bent over. Where Pikachu got a whip or why he possessed one is beyond even me.

"No, I did Peach already…I did the puffballs, can't forget that one. I'm leaving Link alone."

In Link's room, Link had wrapped Young Link in a bed sheet and was trying to beat him unconscious.

"Did Bowser. Did Marth. Did Fox. Did Roy. Did Falcon. Did Flatulence. Did…uh…Yoshi. Did DK. Did Mewtwo. Wonder where he went? I don't feel like doing Zelda or Mario. Did Nana. Did Ness. Hmm…well…no, I did Samus too…that settles it! I only have two people left! Falco and…"

Luigi shuddered. "Ganondorf…aw, man! Damn!" He whined and reluctantly walked up the steps looking for either that horrible, dirty man or that blue bird thingy. Luigi searched around the mansion for several minutes, finding nothing, no trace of either. Maybe they were out battling? Maybe they were hiding? Maybe they were plotting his doom…

As Luigi started to give up and go out back, he heard a shuffling noise coming from that direction. He shrugged it off like the idiot that he is and continued walking. When he neared the glass courtyard doors, someone tripped him. He felt the incredible weight of someone on his back. He couldn't move.

"Good work." He heard Falco speak from behind him.

"Yeah. You thought all the others were easy," Ganondorf said. He was sitting on Luigi, poking his forehead.

"No I didn't!" Luigi cried.

"Stop lying. Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Cause all of this madness you caused? There _are _repercussions. And as soon as Master Hand gets here…oh, you're so dead," Falco said, sounding surprisingly satisfied.

"Hey, the only reason we're working together is because he promised to pay us handsomely. I don't like either of you," Ganondorf informed.

"Okay. So how long are you holding me prisoner?" asked Luigi.

"He said he'd be here shortly to fix everything you couldn't. And to punish you," said Falco.

"Handsomely," added Ganondorf.

"Shut up," said Falco flatly.

"Well, I accomplished _something…_and…well…yeah…I was so close…"

12 minutes later

Master Hand busted through the ceiling, laughing maniacally. Luigi was bound to the couch by Ganondorf's magic. Falco was grinning with anticipation.

"I'll be back to tell you your punishment. Dumbass."

With that, Master Hand flew around the mansion, setting everyone who was abnormal normal again. This process took a little over a minute, as it involved snapping and plucking. Everyone who was re-reverted went to his own room and slammed the door. Plus Pichu. Mario was already in his room, rinsing his mouth out and trying to soothe the pain in his butt.

Master Hand flew back to the living room. Through the ceiling again.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Ganondorf asked, lifting his spell.

"Cause I can. Shut up. As for you, Luigi…tsk tsk. You are a supreme idiot. Did you think at all about what you were doing?"

Luigi was embarrassed to answer.

"I figured. Well, because you either killed or severely damaged many relationships _and_ traumatized numerous people in the process _and_ caused DK to break my windows and the bathroom mirror _and…_well, that's all. YOU…wait. You made Samus and Bowser destroy some of my walls. And I think Pikachu-"

"Okay, we get it," Popo said, sitting right beside Luigi. "What are you gonna do to him?"

_I didn't spray _him _yet either…_

"Since you did a whole bunch of crap that pisses me off, I sentence you to-"

Popo screamed as he was sprayed in the face by the greatness.

"Dammit Luigi, we _just_ talked about this!" Master Hand said with a sigh.

"Sorry! Reflex…" Luigi admitted as Popo ran upstairs to Nana's room. "If I had my antidote, this would be much less of a problem."

Popo landed flat on his stomach in between Luigi and the huge hand. His leg twitched once.

"…Yeah, as I was saying-"

Luigi was hit in the head with a mallet.

"_As I was saying…_Luigi, I sentence you to 6 hours…in the Randomizer Dimension."

"The what?" asked Falco.

"I just created this thing 3 days ago. See, I make a dimensional rift." Master Hand's index finger glowed bright white and he made a small spiral with it. "I set the timer." Master Hand held up 3 fingers, then 6, then made a fist. 360. "When this moron gets sent to the default dimension, every hour he will be sent to a different one. Randomly, of course."

Falco clapped. Popo made a muffled moan.

"Okay Luigi, in you go," said Master Hand.

Luigi went into a rare period of deep thought. 6 hours. That would mean he'd be back at about 10:30 that night. 6 dimensions. He still had a pretty fair amount of greatness left. The antidote mattered none. This was his big chance to spread the experiment dimension-wide! And eat exotic foods! He'd have so much fun…

"Okay, I'm ready," he said. Master Hand plucked him into the rift. When Luigi had disappeared, so did the rift. "Hmm. Hope he doesn't do anything _too_ retarded."

An angry mob of…well, everyone that was upstairs (that meant that Mewtwo was excluded) came downstairs, demanding Luigi. Well, him or his head. Either would do fine.

"Don't worry, fools. He's currently going through 6 dimensions in 6 hours. If he makes it alive, expect him tonight. Until then…" He laughed maniacally and flew through the ceiling again. "I'll fix that later," he said in the distance.

The Smashers looked around, thinking of something to do now that that jackass was gone. Ness thought of an idea.

"Anyone for Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter?"

Pikachu slapped him to the ground.

…_That's it. No, not for the series. There will be a 2nd part called L.O.E: Test Group 2. When it will be posted is a mystery to me. But I assure you this. It will be in the Sonic section. (Hey, this isn't just some excuse to branch out into other fields! …What? Stop looking at me like that. I'm serious!)_

_Yep…see you there…this story did hella good._


End file.
